purplemartini

because I knew this was a limited time offer...

Thu, 14 May 2009 14:03:26 GMT

Stolen from http://www.woot.com/

Here's the description for a Roomba530 vaccum:

MEET THE FLOORMASTERS

Hey, that’s show business

Gian Goulashi (radio host and runner-up, All-Canada Jimmy Fallon Lookalike Search, 2006): “A Whole New Me” is the name of the first album by the Floormasters, who join us in the studio today. If the name Floormasters sounds vaguely familiar, it might be because their principal songwriter, singer and lead triangle player is the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum, known to many as the most efficient robot vacuum on the market, able to sweep dirt, debris, pet hair, dust and allergens from carpets and hard floors alike.

And while you might be more accustomed to seeing the Roomba 530 as the deal of the day on Woot, this music project is anything but a sideline. The Roomba 530 has always intended to be a big-time, self-important rock diva; it just got distracted by a hugely successful career in the housekeeping industry.

These days, the Roomba 530 is all about the rock, as you can tell by this new record, which must be really good, since it—and not the Roomba’s high profile—is the whole reason we have these Floormasters on our show, instead of some other band that’s been around longer, and whose music might be better, but which features no members who have schtupped Angelin- oh, wait, I’m not supposed to mention that. Anyway, the Floormasters. Welcome.

Floormasters who are not the Roomba 530: Hi.

GG: So, you guys are, like, a band, I guess.

Francis Fendlesworth (bass player and founder of Francis Fendlesworth’s Rock & Roll Fantasy Camp for Movie Stars): Yes. A legitimate band that everyone is very interested in on the sole basis of our music, and not for any other reason.

GG: And—Roomba 530, what originally drew you to… country music, or rock music, or zydeco music, or whatever kind of music is on this record, anyway?

iRobot Roomba 530: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

GG: Well, I’m asking you about this record, which I haven’t listened to, but I understand it has… what, some songs on it, right? I’d rather ask you your high score on TOMB RAIDER, if you know what I mean, but I’m trying to maintain the premise that you’re here to talk music.

R530: I don’t know what you’re taking about.

GG: ...Ooookay. Let’s try something else, then. What was it like working with those lovable kids in the Bad News Bears remake?

R530: Would you ask Tom Petty that?

GG: Uh, probably not, since I don’t think he was in that movie.

R530: And would you treat Tom Petty like he was some music-biz dilettante?

GG: Of course not. He’s, like, a legend. You know, “Damn the Torpedoes.” He’s a multi-Grammy winner. He’s in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He played with Orbison and Harrison in that Wilburys thing.

R530: EXACTLY. And that’s why I demand to be treated with the SAME DEFERENCE.

GG: ...Uh… you… Wait, what?

R530: THE SAME. AS IF I, TOO, HAD BEEN A PROMINENT MUSICIAN FOR DECADES BEFORE NOW.

GG: I’m sorry, are you reacting to… because I mentioned that you’re a well-known cleaning appliance?

R530: OK, first of all, you were instructed not to talk about any of that.

GG: But… you are a well-known cleaning appliance. The audience knows you for your outstanding counter-rotating bristle brush and beater brush, which work together like a dustpan and broom, digging deep into carpet fibers to grab dirt. And for your fine filter, which traps dust and pollen and stuff.

Anyway, if I didn’t mention your floor-sweeping career, I mean, don’t you think those Woot customers would find it odd if I just pretended…

R530: YOU WERE INSTRUCTED.

GG: Look, I’m not trying to provoke you, I just thought… Well, let’s abandon this charade. You guys were going to perform a song or something?

R530: Not me. I refuse. I’m not performing under these conditions. These guys I hired to be my pretend band, they can play. I’ll be pouting in my trailer.

GG: In your—dude, there’s no trailer. This isn’t a movie set.

R530: I AM TOM PETTY.

GG: Well, I’d agree with three of those words, anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, the Floormasters, without the iRobot Roomba 530, performing a vocal-less, triangle-less version of whatever this song is.

FF: We’ll do “Real Rock Star.” That one doesn’t have any triangle in it, anyway.

R530: THERE GOES YOUR BIT PART IN MR. WOODCOCK 2, FENDLESWORTH.

FF: $#!t! That was the whole reason I agreed to play in this phony band!

Warranty: 90 Day iRobot

A short one cause I'm tired and want to go to bed.

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:08:35 GMT

I went to see Zack and Miri make a porno tonight. What fun! Best Kevin Smith movie ever! Really funny, so funny I missed some of the jokes because I was laughing.

I've got this really weird dry scratchy spot in my throat. It feels like I've got a popcorn skin stuck in there. So far nothing seems to get rid of it. My co-workersaid her throat felt like that just before she got knocked on her ass with a horrible virus. Not looking forward to that. However, it sort of makes me wish I could play it up and take a couple of personal days.

I can't wait for the weekend. Ben and I are going to tear out the false ceiling in the kitchen and I'll patch and paint what's above it. Then I plan to put a second coat of paint on the foyer and maybe even paint the bathroom. I'm all about home-improvement.

Okay, now...off to bed with me.

More surreality than one evening should have

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:02:30 GMT

Ben and I watched CNN's US election coverage while we played World of warcraft. Yes, you read that right. WE played world of warcraft. More surreally, I played world of warcraft. I think something crazy is happening in the world.

Oh, and do you know what else? CNN now has guests appear live via hologram. Are you thinking what I am thinking? Hologram? Seriously? I mean, No way, not like an actual hologram. What is this CNN star trek? I guess I do find it sort of humorous the thought of Anderson cooper in the studio having a conversation with an empty space. Meanwhile, the technical crew is scambling to add Will.i.am digitally in post production but they have to make it look like it's live. If people can be interviewed via hologram well...how much longer before we have flying robot cars, robot maids and smell-o-vision?

I'm not even going to comment on the election because in this house we don't count chickens before they hatch, but I can't stop the sensation that I'm watching history unfold and all I can think about is how much I want to go to bed. Years from now, if someone asks "where were you when the 2008 election results came in?" I can say "I slept through it."

In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if I woke up tomorrow morning and discovered that this entire evening was just a clever plot twist dreamed of by Pam Ewing.

The one where I realise I missed a day of Nablopomo anyway

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 03:11:18 GMT

So yeah, I don't know where my brain was.

See? I think this is one of the many reasons I haven't been writing all these months. I don't even know what friggen' day it is most days. This whole daylight savings time thing is not helping. It's dark when I wake up and dark when I leave work in the afternoon. Do you know how depressing that is? Super mega depressing. So depressing it's causing me to have nightmares that I'm being put to death by lethal injection. I mean how's that for how I feel about November?

So in some sort of effort to claw my way out of the maudlin that is November, I made a decision.

I've decided it’s time to stop procrastinating and time to start thinking about my
application for grad school. Oh I know, I’ve talked about this program and that program
and even very briefly (albeit passionately) courted the idea of going to medical school.
But this is it, no more waffling and trying to decide. It’s time to make a decision and
just go for it!

So, I’ve decided on a program. M.Ed.. Of course, that leads to whole other kettle of
fish. There’s several specializations within the M.Ed program. The program that I
really want is the counseling option but I think it might be beyond my reach and also
not related to my current career. But it could be a stepping stone to a Phd in
Psychology, if I decided to go that route eventually. The adult Ed option most closely
matches my current career but I’m not entirely sure that I want to stay in Adult Ed
long term. The Curriculum option has some appeal but I don’t really know enough about
it to make a firm decision on that one either.

The other thing is that I am required to have 3 letters of reference and you know, I
rock, so I don’t have a problem getting people to extol my virtues However, one of the
required references is an education reference. I haven’t been in school since 2004 and
even then all I did were electives and I didn’t really make an impression on any of my
profs, at least not well enough to ask for an academic reference. There is a prof from whom I could ask for an academic reference. In fact, she's the only prof who ever insisted that I consider graduate school, but the last time I took a class from her was 1999.

So tonight I brought all the stuff home to review for my application and I didn't even look at it. Let's face it, life is busy. I had groceries to buy and unload and put away. Then I needed to use limescale remover on the bathroom shower head and desquick the kitchen sink. I should be sorting the remainder of the clean laundry right now but I just don't have the ambition.

Frig if I can't even organize myself to get my application together, how am I gonna handle actually being in school again?

Do you know what would make life easier? a job where I got paid the same amount but worked half as many hours? or just someway to keep my full-time income but not have to work at all and pay for school-full-time. Oh the things I could accomplish if I had that. And I'm not just talking about my education...

Teh one where I nearly forget I signed up for nablopomo.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:58:05 GMT

Nablo what? Yeah...

So I am still nursing just a wee tiny bit of a hangover. Which is why this entry is going to seem totally random and possibly incoherent. Not a tremendous hangover, just enough of one that I had heartburn and wanted to eat grease. I managed to stay away from grease for the most. However, I did consume a large amount of sandwiches. I guess cause they are easy and easy is what I was all about today.

I really feel like a two day weekend is just not enough time to get everything done that needs doing. Throw in a party on Saturday night and there's even less time to get things done. Not that I'm complaining about the party. I am so not complaining about the party. I needed the party and, I even consumed alcohol! It was a momentous occasion indeed.

I took Zach trick or treating the other night. He was hilarious. He'd ring the doorbell and then go right to opening the person's screen door (cause that's what we do at the babysitter's) I had to tall him several times to let people open the door for him. He dressed up as a Monkey and very few people actually got that he was a monkey, most thought he was a bear. Katie dressed up as tinkerbell, but she stayed home with Ben while Zach and I did the little bit of trick or treating. Zach bugged and bugged me to go over to Stacey and Andre's house. When we got there he promptly removed his costume and shoes and ran down to the man cave and proceeded to empty the toy box and whine occasionally about wanting to watch "bob the builder" on demand. I think the whole thing was just a plot on his part to watch "bob the builder".

Otherwise, not a terrible weekend. Daylight savings time is f&*%ing with me as usual. I didn't get my groceries done today because I was too busy napping and sorting Katie's clothes. My god that child has a lot of clothes! The meal planning didn't get done either. Luckily, I plan to either do meal planning or groceries on my lunch break tomorrow. Seriously though, I am completely over due for a long weekend (don't remind me that I just had one when I went to Boston) I want to finish painting the foyer and work on painting the bathroom, and rip out the ceiling in the kitchen, take the kids swimming, sew a whole whack of pyjamas for the kids, etc. etc. etc.

It's times like these that this full-time job is really putting a crimp in my everything else life. Ain't that always the way.

"Don't worry, this'll only hurt A LOT!"

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 00:45:41 GMT

So, I just received an email reminding me that I am a participant in NABLOPOMO. I guess it's about time I came back to this blog. I can't even really explain why I haven't written since May.

Dieter's Death was hard. He was sedated before hand and very disoriented. He hissed and snarled at me. That's when I broke down. I tried to hold him but he wouldn't let me, and when he would he was too limp to hold. Just like water running through my fingers and he was gone.

I haven't lost anymore weight but I also haven't gained any...so YAY me.

Folks were here in August, I survived without having a nervous breakdown. They actually spent more than 1 day in Fredericton. My sister's wedding had some moments that will go down in infamy. Not the least of which was the sparkle in my Dad's eye when he said "You know I love you the most of all my kids, right?" It was followed a close second by the Karaoke rendition of "family tradition" that my Sister, Father and I sang. "If I get drunk and sing all night long, I'm just carrying on, an old family tradition."

I've been working like a dog. Still like the job, actually don't detest the extra hours, although it's a burden on Ben as he puts the kids to bed solo at least one night a week. I went to Boston a few weeks ago as a "things are kind of winding down" vacation of sorts. I promised Ben that when I got back I'd put in less hours at the office. Then I promptly went and got myself 2 invigilating gigs in one week.

The quote in the subject is from my Son, He was brushing his sister's hair. Between that, and his constant use of "actually" and "concentrating" he cracks me up, and Kate....Well She's nearly got enough hair for Pig tails, and it is so friggen' cute, it would nearly bring tears to your eyes.

Okay, so, I'm gearing up. Getting ready for this Nablopomo. There's no time like November, right?

I guess I've finally got something to say

Tue, 20 May 2008 02:45:59 GMT

I've been away a while. 11 weeks actually. It's not that I haven't had anything to say I've just hardly had time to say it. I've been living in this world where there just aren't enough hours in the day and somethings just don't get done. Blogging is one of those things.

With the long weekend and all I've got some time to sit down and spout a bit.

So what's new?

Hmmm, well I weigh 20lbs less than I did 11 weeks ago. That's a major accomplishment. Especially since much of the last 11weeks I have felt like a failure for not living up to my own lofty expectations. I've really struggled and I have persevered sometimes, other times, like tonights sweet an sour pork incident I just try to over look and get back on the horse ready to fight another day.

And it's been a fight, a constant fight. I work in a conference centre, it's full of catered food. Do you know what catered food is? It's all the stuff you would never make for yourself and most of it is really effin good. So I face that daily plus the fact that work has been so busy I can barely keep up and then there's the extra hours supervising exams and what not. I don't think I've sat down on a lunch break in over a month, I always have errands to run at lucnh hour.

Plus I've been sick off and on for a month and Dieter's day of reckoning is finally upon us.

I had been wondering if I would know when was the right time and I'd thought about it so much that I've gotten to the point that I can't decide if I would even know, but I guess I started to feel it last week and I made at tentative appt. with the reasoning that if the feeling went away I could cancel. This weekend just reaffirmed my feelings. The old man is struggling to get up and down the stairs and despite increasing his insulin his urine output has increased. He's also developed a new tumor and just today he bit Zach with only mild provocation. We managed to keep him from urinating in Zach's bed again but only because we kept Zach's door shut all weekend. I alternate between looking at him and thinking he's fine to thinking I see a sadness in his eyes and I can tell he is tired. But I guess what it really comes down to is that it is important to me that he not suffer in anyway. It kills me to think that he could already be suffering and just hiding it (as cats do) and without opening him up we will never know. I guess the thing is that he's not his same old self and it wouldn't be fair of us to resent him for something that he can't control or that we prolonged out of our own selfishness.

So here's where I talk all weird: I have a feeling about most things that haven't happened (I think I've mentioned it before) This event is something about which I have no preconceived notions. I don't have anything guiding me. I don't know exactly what it will be like, and I've been trying to imagine (to prepare myself) but it's just not there. I don't know if I will cry or if I will hold it together until I get home or if I will hold him until the end or what I will do. All, I know is that tomorrow is going to come no matter what I do and I can't prolong the inevitable. I am going to have to say goodbye to the best cat I have ever had. I can only hope he'll be thinking just as fondly of me.

His days really are numbered, I just don't know what number they start at.

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 03:15:23 GMT

We had a really really nice weekend around the homestead. The kids were both pretty good and even though we didn't get much accomplished it was relaxing and just what I needed after my week from hell.

Dieter and I spent some very special snuggle time together over the weekend and I've been watching him very closely for any signs that he might be uncomfortable. So far he's carrying on as status quo. However, I did discover that he is missing 2 teeth. One of them is a fresh loss, the gum is still red and pitted where the tooth used to be. The other one, well, I can hardly tell that it was ever there. It would be one thing if it was one of his tartar covered teeth but these teeth were incisors. One of the larger incisors on the top and one of the smaller ones from the bottom. Both were clean and free of plaque and gums were healthy in that area and what an area to lose a tooth from. It's not like he even uses those teeth for much of anything. Right now he's laying on the back of the sofa pawing my shoulder and purring contentedly. It makes me so sad to think that some day, and likely very soon, he won't be there doing that ever again.

I sort of had the hope in my head that maybe he'd beat the odds and just keep on keeping on for a good long time, but now that he's lost some teeth well..that's terribly ominous n'est pas? Just when I put it to the back of my mind and continue on like nothing is wrong something brings it back into focus. I wish I could be blissfully ignorant,but on the upside, I memorise every moment and try to ensure it stays locked into my memory so that He'll always be with me even when he's no longer on the back of the sofa pawing my shoulder.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 17:14:45 GMT

I was having a pretty bad week as it was. Yahoos were coming out of the woodwork and ¾’s of them seemed to be calling my office. Dealing with yahoo’s is sometimes part of my job description but not nearly to the extent that has occurred so far this week. I have a fairly low tolerance level for stupid people at the best of times and coupled with that is the fact that I am severely pre-menstrual and could cry for no reason what so ever at the drop of a hat. Then we get more snow and they don’t even bother to close the office and give me a days respite from the yahoos and the opportunity to help Ben get the driveway cleaned up half decent. So yeah overall I wasn’t a very happy camper.

Then I called the vet to find out Dieter’s histopathology report.

He’s got Fibrosarcoma. You can probably tell from that word that it is not good. The tumors that were removed were adhered to his sternum and several ribs and while the vet offered to do another surgery to try and get rid of all of the cancer Dieter would end up losing his sternum and several ribs…minimum. She estimated that if we let him pass away on his own he could live for 4 to 6 months more at the most.

So yeah…it’s been a bad week.

In talking with the vet I decided that I would euthanize Dieter as soon as I think he’s experiencing any pain or his quality of life is beginning to suffer. I'm not sure when that point will be exactly, as his eyes have seemed sad for a while now and he's stopped whining about food so much. I guess I will just KNOW.

So in the meantime I feel like upping his insulin and loading him up on all his favorite treats and demanding that he snuggle and cuddle me every moment I am at home. I’d like to have a photo done of us together, the way that he always tucks his head under my chin and molests me.

For the last 9 years Dieter has been a wonderful cat companion. Short of the plastic bag obsession, the prolific urination and the bouts of whining he’s be pretty much the best cat I’ve ever had.He was never one to get on the counters or chew socks or escape from the house, or make mischief. I can still remember the day he was delivered to our house, snuggled in that girl’s coat. She told us that he was the best of the litter, and he truly was.

for Dieter's sake

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 11:15:06 GMT

This morning, before I go to work, I am dropping Dieter off at the Vet. This time it's not for diabetes related stuff, No, this morning the old man is going to have several fast growing masses removed from his chest. I discovered them on Sunday and my first reaction was "great, we just spent a whole whack of money on this cat and he's gonna die on us anyway." So I think I'll go and spend some more money on him while I'm at it.

In typical form, this worry about Dieter has pretty much consumed me. I find myself palapting his abdomen regularly to see if I can find more of these growths and I'm constantly wondering "are they bigger? Are they smaller? is there more of them?"

In the time have been all consumed with worry I've been busy putting things on my agenda to try and distract myself from the worry. Today for example, I managed to schedule an appointment for myself at lunch so I won't be sitting there thinking about Dieter all through my lunch hour. Although, it just occurred to me that I won't be available if they need to get in touch with me during that time. Oh well, I guess nothing could be that urgent that they couldn't wait an hour to hear from me.

I'm not terribly optimistic, although, I wasn't terribly optimistic about the Diabetes and it's actually beeing going rather well. I guess maybe I'm going to hope for the best, but I'm quite prepared for the worst. When your vet says that in 12 years of practicing animal medicine she's never felt anything quite like these growths you have to prepare yourself for the worst.

sucess

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 15:02:38 GMT

Adventures in bread

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:49:54 GMT

Sometime recently, I am not exactly sure when, I decided that I need to learn how to make bread. Well, I mean I know how to make bread, I've just never been any good at it. I either lack the patience or experience or finesse or what ever it is that makes good bread good. What ever it is...I don't have it but I'm hoping that it's learnable.

When I was younger my Nanny Woof (yes that's actually her real last name) made bread. She's now in her late 80's and has Alzheimer's and lives in a home so she doesn't make bread any more. She made the best bread. She would take off her Jewelry (which was more than a dozen rings with assorted precious stones and gold bracelets and bangles) and get her knobby fingers right into the dough and mix everything up. She never used a recipe and knew from just her senses if the bread was just right. I would watch in amazement and sometimes even help out a bit but I never studied what she did and I never asked enough questions. I just watched and I didn't learn much.

Now, when it comes to me making bread on my own, I'm left to what I have read in books and what I can find on teh intarweb. That's not even remotely a substitute for a Loving Granny's experience. So here I am flying blind.

I started with pizza dough, seemed simple enough and I prefer to eat whole wheat. Well, it was a colossal failure. Turns out, our whole wheat flour had gone rancid. It was awful, the pizza tasted like glue. And the toppings were such a sublime combination of deliciousness (roasted red pepper, chicken, pesto, artichoke hearts) I was kicking myself. At least it could be saved by picking the toppings off, they tasted fine so long as you couldn't smell the crust. It never even occurred to me that the flour might be bad.

Then last weekend I decided to try artisan bread. I figured it's pretty free form it will hide a myriad of sins. Hmmm, not so. Despite making sure all the ingredients were perfect and even leaving the dough to proof over night i ended up with something that looked like a banana bread. What a disappointment.

I keep thinking that patience is my issue. So I thought I'd try an exercise in self-control and try making sour dough starter. The first few days it went really well then I got cocky. Again, my lack of patience defeated me. I decided to try to make a sponge. One of the websites I read said that it was a good idea to proof your sponge in a gently heated oven with the heat off. Ben helpfully suggested that adding a tray of hot water would also keep the oven warm. Well, perhaps too warm as my sponge did nothing. In fact I'm pretty sure I killed it.

So this weekend I have started a new sourdough starter that I don't plan to even contemplate using until next weekend at the earliest and I decided to try making bread from a mix. I figure if I can't make bread from mix that has everything included and precisely measure well...I'll just have to give up bread making all together. However, if I do a decent job with the mix, I'll have the confidence, and hopefully the patience to try the sourdough thing. Or maybe just some plain old yeast bread. Just like my Nanny used to make.

The heart break of it all

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 00:32:04 GMT

Several times recently I have forgotten to take my medication. I switched to taking it at night because it was bothering my stomach again, and not in that cool I don't want to eat way.

I don't know if it's the lack of regular meds or the weather or the news that's getting me down but down I am.

I can't stop thinking about the two girls who froze to death out west. Two babies, around the same age as my own babies and the thoughts are haunting me. I don't care how drunk their father was, I don't care what sort of issues he had with their mother. I don't want to hear anyone try to make excuses for that man. It was -40! Even pissed to the gills there has to exsist the most basic of common sense that you don't take your kids out just in diapers and t-shirts! It chews me up inside to think of the last moments of those girls' lives. I can almost hear them crying and it keeps me awake at night.

dieter update

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:19:58 GMT

The glipizide isn't working. He's actually gotten worse instead of better. Tomorrow morning I pick up his insulin. On Saturday I have to do blood sugar curve on him. That means checking his blood sugar with a glucometer for a 12 to 24 hour period. Lovely!

I guess it beats saying goodbye to him forever though eh?

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:03:42 GMT

So I'm sitting here waiting for the laundry to finish so that I can put the next load in the dryer and go to bed. I know exciting eh? I flat ironed my hair and played a round of carcassonne against the xbox and watch an episode of Grey's anatomy that made me cry (stupid grey's anatomy, why can't I quit you?). But now I'm just waiting.

You know what I hate about waiting? It gives you too much time to think, time to delve in the deepest depths of your psyche or completely over analyze just about everything. And that's fine some of the time, when you've got stuff you need to work through not when all you thinking about lately is what you are going to do when you have to euthanize your cat.

Dieter, our oldest cat, my cat, has diabetes. In the last 6 months or so he has lost 9 lbs (likely more by now). He's always been a big cat and for most of his life a bit on the tubby side but now he's like anorexic kitty and the dude eats! He eats like he hasn't eaten for days and he gets underfoot and whines whenever you even pass by the cat food cupboard. His hip bones stick out and his coat is not as fluffy as it was, even his face is gaunt. According to the vet he not that bad off just yet. He's on "Cat-kins" the low carb diet for cats and medication to stimulate his pancreas, and it would appear that his kidney's are still working great. Despite all that every time I look at his gaunt face all I can picture is the moment I'll have to make the decision to put him out of his misery, and he's not even in misery yet! I perpetually fret over whether his meds are working (I don't think they are) and will he have to go on insulin, and what if he's got pancreatic cancer? I drive myself crazy worrying about all these things because I worry that I am not going to know when to make the decision to end his life. Now, I know that diabetes is not a death sentence but Dieter is a cat, he can't tell me when he's suffered enough and he also can't tell me that he would like to continue to live despite any suffering he might experience. I'm so terrified I'll choose the wrong time. He was my baby until my babies were born.I don't want to see him hurt at all, but I also don't want to let him go too soon, or keep him too long out of my own selfishness. And I realize I could be weeks, months, even years away from having to make that decision but I can't help but think about it when I look at his dull eyes or see him stumble because his hind legs are weak. Before I knew that he had diabetes I just assumed he was getting old, now it seems much more serious, much more imminent and it seems like he's deteriorating much quicker.

It might just all be in my head but I wish I could stop thinking about it.

working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 11:30:28 GMT

So this might be a bit premature but I'd like to say that currently I am really enjoying work. I think that it kind of helps that I have commandeered a desk and computer for myself and everyday I inch closer and closer towards being totally useful. It also helps that work is flat out crazy! I mean the phone rings constantly and there always seems to be a stack of work to be done. I LOVE IT!

I mean, contrast that to my old job where I spent most of my time writing personal email and reading blogs because there was absolutely nothing to do. Currently, I haven't even had time to log into my personal email, let alone read or write any. I feel a teeny bit out to touch with the outside world but that's fine because the day just flies by when I am so busy. I can catch up when I get home.

Tonight will be the real test. I'm working until 5:30 and have to pick the kids up and drop them off at home and manage to get to pilates for 6:15. Now, 45 minutes might seem like a lot of time but I haven't left work on time even once this week. And once I get the kids home I still have to change into my gym clothes and get downtown plus throw something to eat at my face.

SO far I think I am adjusting quite well. Meals have been served later, but the family doesn't seem to mind and about the same level of house stuff is getting done too so my extra organizing has paid off. Let's see how I handle things this weekend when we host Zach's birthday party. All I have really planned is who is attending. I guess everything else will fall in place on Friday or Saturday when I have time to shop for favors and decorations.

coming to terms with the enevitable

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 03:17:15 GMT

So I did finally start back to work this week.I put it off as long as I could with snow days and Dr's appts but then eventually I had to go in.

So far, so good. I don't have my desk yet. My mat leave replacement is still occupying it so I'm just sitting around the office making mental notes and will be doing so until the end of this coming week.

Which brings up the question? "does the next week begin on Sunday or Monday?" I'm a Monday gal. So until tomorrow it's not yet next week.

I can't remember if I filled everyone in on the details of getting my new job.I had to grieve it through the union. At the time my direct boss seemed to be the most opposed to my grievance (at the hearings he did anyway, at one of them I thought I came close to making him cry) so I was anticipating a whole bunch of awkwardness when I started but guess what? He left. He found a new job elsewhere. Could it be that the prospect of facing me every day after I nearly made him cry in a hearing was just too much for him? I somehow doubt it, however, I am relieved to not have to worry about working for a guy who quite obviously did not want to hire me. It's bad enough I have to listen to how much everyone loves the girl who was filling in for my leave, and how much they wish she didn't have to go. I've got some pretty big shoes to fill, I have to make everyone love me more than her, and not resent me for being the reason she had to go. That's a lot of pressure.

The biggest thing weighing on me right now is how I am going to manage getting off work at 5:30. By the time I pick up Ben and the kids and get home it's 6 pm and then prepare and eat supper it's time to get the kids ready for bed. It brings all new meaning to the "power hour" Plus I have to find some time in there to make it to Pilates on Wednesday nights at 6pm. I might have to start back to the gym and do cardio at night a few nights a week after the kids are in bed and balance it out with boot camp on Sat mornings. I really feel like there aren't enough hours in the day and I'm working the early shift right now! What am I going to do when I'm on the late shift?

letters

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 14:35:22 GMT

Dear Nature,

Please stop it with the snow. Please, Pretty please with a cherry on top. I know, I know, You are smiting us for saying we didn't need a snowblower. However, we do HAVE the point so please lay the f*&^ off.

Thanks in Advance

Dear Mofos at the weather network,

I am sending you a tape measure in the mail. Last time I checked 30cms was about the length of a piece of looseleaf (or are you of the foolscap club?) not the length of my leg from heel to knee.

Please be more accurate next time.

Sincerely

Maybe I can avoid going back to work altogether

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 13:01:56 GMT

So I knew there was a snowstorm coming and I thought there might be a possibility that work would be closed this morning but I didn't think it would actually happen. But yes. Work is closed this morning and we got one mother of a snowfall over night. In fact, it's still continuing and if you believe those lying bastards at the weather network, it will continue until 7 pm tonight.

C'mon, I know this is fate laughing in our faces for saying "no, no, we don't need a snowblower!" Of course, you watch, we go out and buy a snowblower all of a sudden no more snow.

Back to work

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 01:14:31 GMT

So tomorrow I go back to work. Of course, like most things in my life it is doubtful that this return to work will go off without a hitch. For starters, We are supposed to get between 15 and 30 cm's of snow over night and part of tomorrow. Hmmm, am I still expected to show up if it's a snow day? It's my first day at my new job. I am a very relieved that I didn't put Zach in daycare. It would be just another thing to worry about.

Time will tell how well I cope with balancing home and work. Oddly enough, I don't feel all that much trepidation about that. I guess I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that I'm either going to manage, or I'm going to fail miserably and there's not much I can do about that except figure it out when I get there. The house is not yet restored from the chaos of Christmas...but it's getting there. If I have a chance to catch my breath in the next week or so we should get it restored, or back to normal (which is pretty much how it is now) I never seem to be able to keep all the balls in the air at once, ya know?

I spent a couple hundred bucks and bought myself a new wardrobe to wear back to work. I really needed new clothes. You wouldn't know it by looking at our bedroom. It looked like the closet threw up. I've been working on getting rid of all my old unwearable stuff for quite some time but I never seem to find the time to finish the job so there it sits in bags and piles and it seems as though I add to it everyday. I constantly feel like I have nothing to wear, and yet I have clothes up to my knees in front of the closet. I need to put my ass in gear and haul those bags off to the Sally Ann. I should send myself a Sandy reminder.

I can't help but think I'd have more time to devote to these nobler pursuits if I wasn't so engrossed by settlers of Catan. I found a place to play online and I must have played 4 or 5 games today alone and now that we've figured out what is wrong with the laptop (plug it in when it's empty, unplug it when it's full) it's alot less frustrating. Nothing so annoying as having your computer turn itself off when you are about to claim victory.

I never thought I'd miss working out.

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 12:03:26 GMT

I got up this morning to go to boot camp like I usually do on Saturday mornings.
I looked out to see how much work it was going to be to scrape off the car and I noticed that our tenant's guests parked behind me in the driveway blocking me in. So, I can't get out and I can't reasonably wake them up at 7:30 am on a saturday. 'Cause you know not everyone is crazy like me. So I'm sitting here feeling kind of cranky cause I can't get to boot camp.

I'm still having a hard time dealing with disappointment and frustration. It seems that my meds aren't helping at all in that area. I find that very annoying. I try really hard to be reasonable when dealing with disappointment and frustration, but I find myself gravitating towards spoiled adolescent mode and I hate that mode.

Like this morning, I could just as easily sit here and cry. Cry because I can't sweat my ass off and do annoying burpees and feel completely awkward. I had no idea I was such a glutton for punishment.

It's called the Holiday wind up cause it's just before the holidays punch you in the face.

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 19:16:10 GMT

So things have been a little strange the last few weeks.

My friend who is in the hospital, is still in the hospital and, right now, they are not sure when he will get out. I've been feeling a considerable amount of helplessness because there's not much I can do to help him or his wife. Sure I can bake cookies or run errands, but when it comes down to the pain they are experiencing both emotionally and physically there is nothing I can do to take that away. And for as caring and considerate of a friend I might be, I can sometimes be a bit of a bull in a china shop. I'm never sure if I help or hinder these type of situations despite my best intentions. I want to make everything better, and there's nothing I can do. It's completely not fair. Someone recently pointed out to me that sucky things like this happen to all kinds of people every single day to which I responded, "but I don't love all those other people."

Today we learned that Zach has been accepted into the daycare that we have been on the waiting list for for 3 years! I'm kind of conflicted because we have it pretty good with our current childcare provider. She's like family and I think my kids are cared for better in her home than they are in my home, honestly! She's like a grandmother to them, in fact, Zach calls her husband "Papa." We are truely blessed to have them and I am not sure I am ready for Zach to go to day care, it's kind of like school. He'll be growing up and I am worried that I won't have the same insight into his days as we get from our current babysitter. Also, Our current babysitter is going to give us a discount because she's looking after the 2 kids. It seems like it's all happening so fast. And I guess it is, cause we just found out this morning. Maybe it's just a lot to process with me going back to work at the same time as Zach would be starting Day care. Well I am going to take Zach over to the Daycare tomorrow morning to see how he feels about it. We are kind of under the gun to make a decision too because of the holidays. If we decline there will only be one day before the beginning of the next term for someone else to take the spot.

It seems like I've been doing nothing but christmas goodie making. I made over 8 dozen cookies on the weekend and now yesterday I made countless peanut butter balls, plus almond roca squares. Today, I am going to try to accomplish snicker doodles. It's a good thing I'm going to boot camp because it's hard to make all these christmas goodies wihtout sampling a few.

Attack of the non-sleeping child

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 14:38:35 GMT

For the most part, we seldom have things to complain about when it comes to Zach. Sure he's contrary but what 2 year old isn't? And he's gone through some really bad phases but they never seem to last very long. And even when it's bad it's never as bad as it could be.

Like recently, he's stopped going to bed on time. Sure he's in bed and in the dark but no amount of "Zach, go to sleep." makes him actually go to sleep. We have a baby monitor in his room and can now listen to his stunning renditions of "little Einsteins, we're going on a mission..." and "Lunar Jim..." Over and Over and OVER. Last night the singing went on until 10:30! I am seriously tempted to record his dialogue some night. It's quite entertaining. Last night, we heard him telling George the monkey that he loved him and giving him kisses. If it wasn't so durn cute it would be easier to go in there and tell him to stuff it and go to sleep. It would be one thing if this only happened every now and then, but it's been happening almost every night.

He's been a great sleeper since he was 4 months old. He'd go to bed and go to sleep without any protest. Lately, he whines and goes on once the stories are done. Sometimes he'll even get up and bang on his door after we've left the room. He's also using the old standby of "I need to pee" and "I need a drink of water." I'm completely at a loss for what to do. Even when he doesn't have any stuffed animals in his room he still talks and sings to himself for hours! I don't know any way to MAKE him go to sleep. But I know that he needs more sleep than he is getting.

Suggestions are more than welcome.

celebrity fan mail

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 20:18:21 GMT

Dear Mr. Akroyd,

I did my Groceries at the uptown Sobey's on Sunday. You were, apparently, signing bottles of your liquors at the NBLC next door. It's pretty much pandemonium at Sobey's on Sunday anyway, but your appearance made it even more crazy. However, I didn't mind all that much because from what people tell me, you were a very cool guy, you know, for a Hollywood big shot.

I was glad I didn't spend hours waiting outside in the cold to get your autograph, but I am sort of disappointed that I didn't get to meet you. One of my good friends was very excited about meeting a Ghostbuster and he would have been in that line up himself but he had to be hospitalized. Here's where you get really cool in my mind: Another friend of mine did line up and wait for 2 hours in the cold to meet you. He brought along with him a photo of my hospitalized friend and you signed it for him, "You ignorant Slut!"

You see my friend, he's a funny guy. Maybe not quite as funny as you, but funny nonetheless and since he's been in the hospital he's kind of been robbed of his funny. Getting your Autograph brought the funny back for him for a few moments. I wasn't there to see it myself, but I've been assured it really made his day. For that Sir, you have my utmost respect!

You are a very busy guy and you had hundreds of people lined up to buy your booze and shake your hand and you took the time to sign a photo for a guy who couldn't be there in person. Your visit was one of the biggest things to happen in this little berg in quite a while and you could have been a complete dink, instead you were a human (not just a human but a thoughtful human). Thanks for that.

There's only one thing I don't understand. What was with the sunglasses indoors?

fat girl on 5th avenue

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 14:39:49 GMT

New York was awesome!
This is really really long so I'll put it behind a break

We arrived on Friday afternoon and checked into the hotel and then got on the subway and went into times square. Neither of us had had lunch so we were starving and stopped to eat at the first restaurant that we came to, Chevys. A billboard at the airport said this was the home of the best margarita in Manhattan so of course we had to test that theory. I had the prickly pear margarita and Andrea tried the cranberry. Both were very tasty and nearly knocked us on our asses. The food was typical Mexican fare but the portions were enormous. We ordered guacamole that was made fresh at our table and it had no less than 3 avocados in it. I wouldn't even make that much guac for a party! After stuffing ourselves on mexican food we headed out to see times square. After wandering aimlessly for a bit we decided to catch a double decker tour. We bought a 3 day unlimited hop-on hop-off pass and hopped on the buss for the evening city lights tour. We had no idea what was in store. Seeing the lights in Manhattan was pretty and we were a bit chilled from sitting in the open top of the bus but that was nothing compared to the cold we would experience crossing the Manhattan bridge not once but twice. When we got back to Manhattan we didn't even wait for the bus to go back to times square and hopped off the bus at Macy's to warm up. We went up to the 9th floor and saw the Christmas exhibit and the best Santa I have ever seen in my life! He was awesome! We wandered around Macy's and eventually found a Starbucks and had a coffee and finally got warmed up. We went outside and looked at the window's of Macy's. I didn't get any pictures of the windows because I was afraid I'd freeze again if I took off my gloves to operate my camera. We hopped on the subway and headed back to the hotel for the night.

Saturday morning we got up and headed into town between 9 and 10. We got off the subway at grand central station and had breakfast there. I bought a slice of cheese cake from Juniors for us to eat later. We wandered around grand central and then headed out on to the street and meandered over to the New York Public library and took a whole whack of pictures. They had an exhibit about Jack Kerouac's On the road there but the line up to check bags and coats was took long so we didn't bother to go in. We thought we might like to try out the"top of the rock" at Rockefeller center. So we headed over there. Rockefeller center was pandemonium. The crowds were unreal. Everyone was walking around looking at the sky and bumping into other people. we practically had to hold hands to stay together. I've been in busy night clubs that weren't as crowded. Also, the skating rink at Rockefeller center was a total disappointment. it's wee and by that I mean not even half the size it looks on TV or in the movies. I think my house has a larger square footage than the ice surface! People were lined up half way to 6th avenue waiting to get a chance to skate there. They wanted 17 bucks to go up to the observation deck of Rockefeller center, there was no telling how long we'd have to wait to go up so we decided just to skip it. We took the subway over to Madison avenue and stopped in a little cafe to have a drink and a rugelach. Then it was off to Intimacy to get fitted for bras. It was the first time I've ever shopped for bras that I didn't want to cry and that's saying something since I had to take my top off in front of a complete stranger and have her 'size up' my puppies. It turns out that I was already wearing pretty much the right size, but I've been wearing my bras completely wrong for the last 20 years. The band should be lower in the back than in the front. The difference it made was amazing. I bought 5 new bras and a pair of undies and I won't even tell you what I spent but it was worth every penny. I had them dispose of the nursing bra I was wearing when I came into the store and wore one of the new ones out. After the bra shopping we wanted to head down to unions square as there was a outdoor craft market set up there so we decided to catch the double decker bus downtown. We got on the uptown tour headed downtown, and changed to the downtown line just before times square. Less than a block later the tour guide announced that the bus we were on was done for the day so we were back at times square waiting for a new bus. Well, it took so long that it was nearly 5 before we started to head downtown and that meant we'd have no time for union square before our reservation at Les Halles. The new tour guide announced there wouldn't be any stops before downtown so Andrea and I started to panic about whether we could make our reservation. Traffic was crazy and there was no guarantee we'd get let off near the right subway line so we asked to get off As soon as possible. It was faster to travel the subway than the bus, even if we didn't get the sparkling New York commentary.

We hopped the subway to the 28th street station and got there with 30 minutes to spare. We ducked into a pharmacy to get out of the cold but we headed back out to try and find a hotel so we could use the restrooms. Did you know that there are no restrooms in Manhattan? At least none anyone will tell you about. Except in times square, Charmin has set up washrooms with a big sign advertising them. Luckily one of our tour guides told us that hotels are required by law to let you use their washrooms. We found a hotel near Les Halles and guess what? the Front desk clerk told us to go to the restaurant next door to use their washrooms! We decided to go to Les Halles a bit early and take our chances. Luckily, they took us early. The restaurant wasn't that busy but despite that we got the blow off by our waiter several times before ordering. He was skating on pretty thin ice until half way through my entree when he brought me more Bearnaise sauce without prompting. Les Halles is one of those restaurants where if you reserve a table for 2 you will be seated at a table where one of you is sitting on a banquette and the other with their back to the room. The tables of your neighbours will be so close that the maitre'd has to pull the table out into the aisle for you to get to the banquette. Of course, the lack of public washrooms in Manhattan meant that I had to get up to go pee and I was stuck in the banquette. Getting out was an interesting maneuver. On the upside we got to meet our neighbours because of it. They were a nice couple from Rhode Island. on the other side we had a couple from France but they were so pretentious we didn't dare talk to them. I mean the guy was wearing Truman Capote glasses and an Ascot. If I'd made an effort to speak to him in French I am sure he would have looked at me like I was a peasant.

After the delicious supper we decided to go to Union square to Chocolate to the Max for dessert. The waiter at Les Halles actually scoffed when we said that's where we were going. We didn't realize just why. Chocolate to the Max was nuts. It was like a popular nightclub, packed. We waited in line to get to the hostess and were told it was an hour wait for a table. We decided not to wait, but on the way out it occurred to me that we could make a reservation for the next day. So we turned back around. The hostess made one of those "I smell shit" faces and said "we don't take reservations on the weekend." It was the first time that weekend that I'd really felt looked down upon in new York. I mean, it could actually be their policy not to accept reservations on the weekend, but the way she said it was "there's no way in hell you'll get a table here." So, Andrea and I decided we'd come there for breakfast the next morning. I bet it wouldn't be lined up out the doors at 9 am. We left Max's discouraged but went over to union square and did some shopping until the shops closed. then we hopped the subway and headed back to the hotel.

The next morning we went back to Max's and had breakfast. "take that, stuck up hostess!" and headed down to canal street. We only made it less than a block from the subway station before we'd spent all our money and had to go to a bank to get more. We really got into the spirit of negotiating. I bought myself a knock-off tiffany necklace and bangle, and some fake diamond earrings. I also got a bottle of perfume. After that we went downtown to the century 21 department store. It is near the world trade site. When we got off the subway we didn't have much of a clue which way to go as the station closest to the store was closed. Despite being lost a very nice native new Yorker stopped to ask us for directions. We asked her if it was possible to get to century 21 without going by the world trade site, neither of us was interested in seeing it. I guess maybe we didn't want the happy excitement of our trip dampened by the site of such a huge tragedy. We ended up walking right next to the site but didn't see much of anything because they've erected a large fence to secure the site while they are continuing the cleanup. It was very surreal to imagine what kind of impact those buildings would have projected into the sky over downtown where now there's nothing but open space. There were a surprising number of people posing for photos in front of the fencing surrounding the site. I can see the point of wanting to go there and remember that you were there, but I can't really see wanting to save that memory in a photo album or a scrap book. "...and here's us in front of the place where all those people died."

Century 21 was pandemonium! I headed straight for the plus-sized section hoping to snag myself to cheap designer duds to wear when I go back to work. The dressing room had a limit of 7 things to try on and I had 8 so I had to leave one behind. Not that it much matter. the dressing room was smaller than a broom closet and had a curtain that only covered from my knees to my neck and it was hanging about a foot away from the side walls of the dressing room so that if I leaned back I could look right into the dressing rooms beside me. I didn't care though. I tried everything on. I waited in line to get into the dressing areas and I was damned if I wasn't going to actually try stuff on, besides, if anyone wanted a peek they were more than welcome to it. Of course, nothing fit. It's not the clothes fault though. It's my freaky mutant body with impossibly small waist and outrageously huge hips and unbelievably enormous thighs. Seriously, why is it that my waist is a 20 and my hips a 22 and my thighs are like a 24! I didn't end up buying anything and left to meet Andrea in the shoe department. By the time we finally reconnected it was supper time and we headed up to the Jekyll and Hyde club for supper.

What fun! Where else can you eat heroin-like cheese fries and have a rousing debate about the spirit of Christmas with Thor, the god of thunder? I argued that Thor would need to put on some more clothes if he planned to usurp Santa as the bearded idol of Christmas commercialism. He didn't take that very kindly. We really enjoyed ourselves until we got our bill. We discovered they'd double charged us and had to get the manager involved. It also added insult to injury that we'd planned to use credit cards to pay for the meal and they only took American Express. What kind of a restaurant doesn't take Master Card or Visa? The kind with creepy pictures with moving eyes, that's what kind.

We got back to the hotel that night, later than we'd hoped and we packed out suitcases in anticipation of our VERY early morning flight home. The we hopped into our pajamas and tried to go to sleep. Of course, it was a little like a high school sleep over and so we ended up staying up gabbing. Then all of a sudden the phone rang. I actually yelled "what the hell was that?" cause I didn't even know what our phone sounded like. Andrea got up and answered the phone. It was Ben calling to tell me that our flight was canceled in the morning. I guess Air Canada called him to tell him that, and they rescheduled me for a later flight. Andrea began to panic because, not only had the airline not called her, but she only had a half day off work the following day and was due in the office for 1pm. While she waited on hold with Air Canada, I ran down to the lobby and tried to find alternate flights for her. Everything was canceled. Apparently, Air Canada will cancel flights in anticipation of bad weather, regardless of whether or not that weather is actually bad. Eventually, she got through to an agent and he booked her on a flight that would get her home for 2 pm, but this flight went through Toronto instead of Montreal. It also left much earlier than mine.

In the morning, I opted to go to the airport with Andrea and try to go standby on her flight. We went down to the lobby and had the front desk call us a car. Well, they sent us a stretch, stretch, stretch limo. I mean, room for us and 12 of our closest friends, a bar, and a TV.

The fare to the airport? $26 bucks. Riding in a super stretch limo in the pre-dawn hours with your oldest dearest friend? Priceless.

Well, I managed to get Stand by on Andrea's flight, and while we were waiting to board we hear " this is the final boarding call for flight XXX with direct service to Ottawa, Ontario, Canada." Like WTF? Here Air Canada said the earliest they could get her back to Ottawa was 2pm and through Toronto and there was a direct flight from New York which would get in at like 9AM. Andrea, was a much better sport than I was. I would have given Air Canada a piece of my mind.

We arrived in Toronto without consequence and Andrea made it on to her flight to Ottawa. I had a few hours to kill in Toronto so I had some lunch and wandered around a bit. Then I got comfortable waiting at the gate for my flight to board. I started to get nervous when they canceled several other flights before mine. Including one to Saint John. Our boarding time came and went and there was no gate agent. I was calling Ben with updates regularly. Finally, we got a gate agent and they began boarding the plane. It had started to snow in Toronto and we had a slight delay while we got de-iced but after that we were on our way home unsure of just what we would be coming home to.

I picked up my luggage and grabbed the first cab I could, which I shared with 4 other people. it was a bit of a white knuckle drive home, the roads were awful but in the end I made it home and there was no happier sound than the "Mommy" I heard as I came through the front door.